When the energy in the house shifts

Week 1 of re-designing my life (family rhythms bc the energy is low-key yuck rn)

Amy Holistically
Jan 10, 2026

I’m sitting out under the pergola, after having just chucked 3 of the 5 kids into the pool. The teen is being a teen and is inside, in a jumper in the heat of Summer and the youngest is next to me talking about Pokemon.

This will be an unedited piece, which I’m sure you’ll pick up on <3

It’s probably the hottest day of summer thus far; I have to admit that I loathe the stagnancy of the air. The heat is welcomed, but the kids are melting. There’s zero breeze so it’s just a wall of warmth everywhere. Everyone in the house is cranky - so ofc, my natural reaction is to create structure.

As much as I am a Type C mum, a go-with the flow, incredibly flexible when it comes to motherhood and kids and all the things they need and want to do … I also wholeheartedly believe that our nervous system needs edges. Structure - when used well and intentionally - can offer those edges, that safe containment.

Just like a baby feels safe in its swaddle, and children feel safe in our arms, families as a whole - our days and our lifestyle - are more grounded, calm and less hairy when there’s the safety of a rhythm.

And so, I’ve been chipping away at some planning (very pertinent to Week 1 of re-designing my life too) - some low key gathering of ideas and info around needs and wants and supports for each individual family member, then visioning into what this may look like. The next step is a collaborative step, to transform all these patterns into a weekly overview, and daily rhythm.

It’s a multi-layered approach which ebbs and flows each term or season that we go through it, but the essence remains the same - creating a daily lifestyle that allows for everyone’s needs, accommodations and wants to be met (the safety), whilst also allowing space for spontaneity (the living).

You can read the "how-to" here on my Golden Days substack(this is a new passion project, sharing more of our tools and explicit how-tos in case you want to try any).

I know, you know that modern life is relentlessly busy… and being millennials growing up going to school and through the age of technology coming online, we have landed within a world that prizes efficiency, output and timetables.

I think that there’s often a brief reconnection when we become parents - feeding on demand, naps, moods, energy - but it doesn’t take long before that gets crowded out by sleep schedules, advice, comparison and ofc external expectations.

So when I imagine families intentionally sitting down together to shape the energy of their days - not just the logistics - I realise how uncommon that probably is. And not because people wouldn’t value it. But because most of us simply haven’t been shown that this is something that you could do (or why you would want to!)

Yes - we plan what needs to happen.

BUT - We rarely plan how we want life to feel while it’s happening.

And honestly, it feels like such a missed opportunity. Not something anyone should feel bad about. But this whole, beautiful, layer of family life that often goes untouched - until someone stumbles into it and realises how regulating, connective and supportive it can be.

Which I think is why I am so drawn back to it - each time I notice the energy in the house going funky.

As mothers and matriarchs of our home and family, we notice these things. I will often mention something to my husband about the mood or energy of home, and he’s like “it’s fineeee, what are you on about!?” Yet, soon after - there’s children fighting or something happening and all I can say is “SEE!” lol I’m not sure how else to explain it, but I am certain it’s not unique to us, that most mothers would know that pull, or feel, or noticing that something has shifted.

And so as I notice things, I collect them and file the information away. Once the metaphorical bucket fills and begins to tip, I know it’s time to review our rhythm.

Not as a way to “fix” things.

But as a supportive practise to redefine the edges, re-establish that sense of safety our family is needing, and align us all back into the team kaupapa.

So I intend to keep sitting here a little longer - by the pool, notebook and pen in hand, scribbling down the small things I’m noticing for our rhythm. (In a very fragmented way between the steady stream of Pokemon facts lol and the splashing / fighting within the pool). Letting the information keep arriving through my body first, before it becomes a plan.

I think this is part of the invisible work of mothering that deserves to be passed between us, and eventually on to our children too - the pattern noticing, the emotional weather-reading, the attunement to when something subtle has shifted and desires tending to. In that caretaking-the-conditions kind of way, ya know?

Rhythm, for me, is simply one of the ways I honour that role. A way to tend to the edges so that all of us inside them can relax, regulate, feel safe, grow.

Amy x