We did no devices for 30 days

(here’s how it went)

Amy Holistically
Sep 16, 2025

We’ve just finished 30 days of no devices (iPads removed, TV only remains) and I’m happy to say we’ve graduated from “You’ve ruined my life” to “ I thought devices would make me happy, but I’ve realised they don’t.”

We have 3 kids at home, all of whom are neurodivergent, and all of whom homeschool. Dan and I also work from home running an ecommerce business - so, as you can imagine, technology does have a prominent place within our daily life.

We use learning apps for the kids.

• We are aware of the need for a screen as a way to regulate and slow the brain down for ADHD minds
• We work online

And yet, at a soul level, I loathe being online. I can’t quite integrate that being online is essential for both work and modern life (Save that rant for another day.)

This tension also spills into family life. Dan and I have a clear kaupapa (foundational values) around screens: they need boundaries. They are useful, but unlimited access isn’t what aligns with our feels. Apps are carefully selected, and time limits exist.

Still, screens were creeping in. Our kids were relying on them more - to regulate, to disassociate, to cure boredom. When I asked our 5-year-old what he was excited for tomorrow, he said, “iPad time,” and an arrow landed in my gut. Miss 8, clever as she is, started testing boundaries around when and what she was doing online.

My own habits weren’t great either. With autism and combined ADHD, scrolling is a reflex when I’m heading toward burnout. Under the guise of “work,” I was on my phone constantly, distracted trying to do too many things but not doing anything well. But mostly, I wasn’t the mother I wanted to be.

The Plan

One night, Dan and I revisited our kaupapa and made the decision to detox the devices, switching simply to TV.

You can read more about that here:

How We Knew Screen Time Was Too Much
Amy Holistically
·
August 20, 2025
Read full story

Rules:

• No iPads (too stimulating)
• TV was ok (ensuring there was still opportunity for ADHD decompression, but a more passive option)
• Parents put phones into “landline mode” during the day (mounted to the wall; calls only)
• My laptop was reserved for set work times
• iPads allowed only every Saturday, for a maximum 2-hour slot
• Educational apps reintroduced after the initial detox

The Early Days - Chaos + Adjustments

Day 1 was… as expected. We were “God awful parents out to destroy our child’s life”-her words, not mine. Our younger children didn’t care, but for an 8.5-year-old who homeschooled and relied on the iPad for friends and quiet regulation, I know it did feel harsh.

Day 2 was spent here… all day.

We quickly collaborated with Miss 8 and made some adjustments:

• A second TV in the master bedroom (closest room to the lounge) as a “quiet space”
• Curated activity boxes for her to replace multi-tasking on screens
• Kids Messenger open at set times (also on “landline mode”) so she could still call friends

Further accommodations

We anticipated that the first few days would be the hardest and so we planned to be out and busy those days. Distraction as the cure! This helped somewhat, but the iPad sized hole once we returned home was very evident.

With Pathological Demand Avoidance in the house, we also experience a fair share of equalising: “If I can’t have my device, you shouldn’t have yours.” Equalising against me to feel safe and in control. I agreed - my computer went away too.

The next couple of days were about the same. The aftershocks kept coming, and I repeated - a lot - to myself and Dan, “10 days. 10 days and it’ll be done.”

Turning Point

Day 4 was a Saturday. And Saturday was “iPad day”. I worried it would reignite anger and hurt, but I reasoned that sticking to our word mattered more than avoiding discomfort.

Then something curious happened: ten minutes in, Miss 8 exclaimed, “I have a funny feeling, Mum! I thought the iPad would be SO fun and make me happy… but it just… doesn’t. It’s boring.”

BINGO baby, we had a turning point.

Positive Outcomes / Hard Truths

Fast forward to the end of the first month:

• Our eldest is more aware of her needs and exploring hobbies beyond screens
• Reading practice has become more intentional; each child gets solo time
• I’ve enjoyed being off my phone and TV in the evenings - reading, hanging out with Dan
• The kids are imaginative, creative, and active again
• TV is now used selectively, mostly for lunch breaks and evening family time
• Family conversations no longer revolve around shows; the kids are HAPPY and more engaged
• Kids are more willing to help around the house, “I can do the jobs with you Mum and we’ll get it done twice as fast so we can play!”

Lots of creativity!

Next Steps

We had never framed this as a finite detox - so we continue on. Much will stay the same, and the next phase will be determining how we can reintroduce technology for learning projects.

The next test: when the big boys (my stepsons) visit for spring holidays. They are used to unlimited devices at home, and the little kids have asked if they will join in on the detox. We plan on maintaining boundaries while accommodating their needs, and see how it unfolds.

5 Tips if You Want to Try Your Own Screen Detox

1. It doesn’t need to be no screens or forever. Make the “big horrible parent decision,” share it with confidence, validate and truly try to understand your children’s feelings, and explain your why.
2. Expect equalising. Whether you have PDA in your family or not, kids will likely push back to feel safe and in control. Collaborate, don’t dictate; it’s the path of least resistance. It’s probably good for you too.
3. Be more active in parenting. Don’t remove strategies without replacements. Explore hobbies, activities, and coping strategies together.
4. Make remaining screen time meaningful. Family movie nights > all watching separate shows. Kids want you - that’s the number one draw. Who wouldn’t pick a family movie, popcorn and couch snuggles over an iPad?
5. Detox again if needed. Life happens; once you’ve laid the foundation, it’s easy to remind kids (and yourself) to hit reset.

Ultimately, this detox reminded us why boundaries matter - and that joy, connection, and creativity aren’t found in screens, but in each other. Technology isn’t going anywhere, and we’ll reintroduce it thoughtfully, but now we know our family rhythm without it. If you’re thinking about trying something similar, know it doesn’t have to be perfect or permanent - small experiments with intention can teach more than months of ‘rules.’ And maybe, just maybe, you’ll discover a little more happiness offline, too.

Amy x