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# WATCH: The Art of Middling

### Three moves to hold a group and make it interesting

[Priya Parker](https://substack.com/@priyaparker)

Jun 07, 2026

A few weeks ago, I was having a glass of wine with two close friends when I pulled my phone out to compare summer calendars.

One of my friends stopped me. “We’re having a glass of wine together,” she said. “I feel like we should be talking about better stuff.”

I was a little embarrassed. And then I was grateful. She wasn’t being rude; she was protecting the conversation.

Conversations don’t usually die because people are boring. They die because no one is tending to the group. We drift into logistics. We splinter into side conversations. We miss the questions hiding inside the stories we’re telling. [Larry David calls the ability to hold a great group conversation the ability to MIDDLE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwcOT1ae_Kk) (as in sit in the middle of a table at a dinner and make it fun).

Most of us think our job in a conversation, whether it’s one-on-one or in a group, is to think about what we want to say next. How do I be interesting? How do I respond?

A middler is paying attention to something else. A good middler is paying attention to the group.

They’re not asking, “How do I be interesting?” They’re asking, “How do I help this group become interesting?”

A great middler isn’t the funniest person in the room or the best storyteller. They’re more laying down a beat and helping people dance. They help a conversation come alive.

This past Wednesday, we explored the art of middling and broke down three moves good middlers make. Group Lifers can watch the full replay below. (And if you’re not yet a Group Lifer, you can join us [here](https://priyaparker.substack.com/subscribe) for the cost of a sandwich a month. 😉)

### **Three moves good middlers make to hold a group.**

**1. Listen for Magical Question fodder inside what someone else is already saying.** One of the biggest mistakes we make in conversation is thinking we need to throw out a brilliant new topic. We don’t. The material is often already in the room. A good middler listens for group fodder, and then they find a Magical Question hiding inside what someone else is already saying and turn one person’s story into something the whole group can enter. They take a story that belongs to one person and turn it into a question that belongs to everybody.