Back to the gym. Tomorrow’s workout: Middling.

Our June Do Lab is tomorrow at noon ET. Come get your reps in. (Zoom link inside.)

Jun 16, 2026

Picture this. You’re at dinner with seven friends. Someone tells a story about running into their ex at the airport. Everyone laughs, but then there’s a pause. People reach for their water glasses, and someone checks their phone. The table waits for whatever comes next.

Most of us don’t know how to build on that moment. But a middler ( a term coined by Larry David) knows exactly what to do. They find a question or the room hiding inside the story just told, the one everyone at the table would want to answer. A great middler isn’t necessarily the funniest person at the table or even the best storyteller. Instead of making sure that they’re interesting, they make the group interesting. Larry David describes a middler as a point guard distributing the ball. Or, as we might now think of it, a Jalen Brunson. 😉

Two weeks ago, we had one of my most favorite Group Help Labs yet: The Art of Middling. Middling is the art of tending a conversation in a group while it’s happening. We plan the invitation, the menu, and the seating chart. Then the gathering begins, and we leave the conversation to fend for itself. Middling is the generous act of activating a group vibe.

In the lab, I taught three middling moves: listening for Magical Question fodder hidden inside what someone is already saying; noticing when a conversation belongs to only a few people and widening the circle; and protecting precious time together from dissolving into logistics, admin, and the two-person catch-up.

Then you flooded the chat: “What if I have social anxiety and don’t feel comfortable jumping into conversations?” “How do I widen a conversation when I’m the only one being excluded?” “How do I redirect a conversation that’s gone flat without making it awkward?” “What do I do when there’s a power dynamic at play?”

Here’s the good news: middling isn’t a personality trait. It’s a skill. And like any skill, you get better by practicing.

That’s why I’m thrilled about our GROUP HELP Do Lab tomorrow, Wednesday, June 17 at 12 pm ET, where we’ll practice the art of middling and holding a group.

Our Group Help Facilitator, Exa Kutler, will lead us through live scenarios drawn straight from your questions. You’ll practice finding a Magical Question inside someone else’s story. You’ll practice widening a conversation that belongs to only two people. You’ll practice stepping in when a group gets stuck in logistics or advice-giving. You’ll spend time in breakout rooms, try things out in real time, and get feedback as you go. Think of it as a chance to build the muscle before you need it at your own dinner table, team retreat, family reunion, board meeting, or neighborhood barbecue.

Also, as in all the tools we learn and practice in GROUP LIFE, you do not always have to middle! It is not appropriate or even needed in every moment! This is a tool and a skill helpful in certain moments. Come sharpen your toolkit with us.

If you’re a paid subscriber, you’ll find the Zoom link below. If you’re not yet a GROUP LIFER, become one today. For the cost of a sandwich a month, you’ll get to join this lab, plus every past replay and all future labs.

Can’t wait to practice with you.

As always,

Priya

P.S. Join me on Monday, June 22, at 12 pm ET for a Substack Live with Shanta Thake, Chief Artistic Officer at Lincoln Center. For four years, Lincoln Center invited hundreds of couples to get married together, all at once, in Alice Tully Hall. We’ll break down how they designed the ritual, built the experience, and created one of New York City’s most unexpected gatherings. Join us here.