# Poetry Unbound Oh, these lines… “All this time, I felt like I had to describe / the things I did, and what was done to me” - a whole lifetime in there... For so long, I resisted the changes that becoming a mother wanted – needed - to make in me for me to become the person my children needed. I kicked against all its demands – no time to myself, no time to sleep, no patience, no patience, no patience. The constant draining physicality of caring for babies, of being “touched out” at the end of a day and craving five minutes where nobody would pull on me. But ironically – in the way these things happen - it was my youngest child’s constant kicking against me – and herself, and the world – that finally opened my eyes to what I actually needed to do, which was to stop fighting it all and just be with it. Whenever she had yet another meltdown, I would hold her tightly, as she pushed and pushed against me until suddenly, she would just collapse, like soft butter in my arms. I realised that by holding steady in the face of her resistance instead of feeding it with my own, I gave that resistance nowhere to go and it would just dissolve, both of us finding some blessed peace and release, if only for a while. I have carried this lesson with me in the decades that have followed, learning and re-learning it as life has thrown other change challenges in my path. And I keep a copy of this painting by the English artist Jenny Saville, as a reminder that whatever I feed grows and that “giving in” is not always defeat but may actually be the saving of me... [Jenny Saville Painting](https://www.artforum.com/events/jenny-saville-4-195996/) --- ## Comments ### Comment by [Anne Pender](https://substack.com/profile/95128510-anne-pender?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** Oh, these lines… “All this time, I felt like I had to describe / the things I did, and what was done to me” - a whole lifetime in there... --- ### Comment by [maeve.fior](https://substack.com/profile/24027222-maevefior?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** Thank you for reminding me of the name of an artist profiled in the New Yorker. I was intrigued then lost her name. --- ### Comment by [Alissa Lange](https://substack.com/profile/233262801-alissa-lange?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** Thank you for this. I think I needed this exact post right now ❤️ --- ### Comment by [Deacon Joanne](https://substack.com/profile/22629559-deacon-joanne?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** This is such a powerful, honest and shared (at least to some extent) of motherhood. My granddaughter is prone to extreme meltdowns and my daughter has learned a pattern similar to what you describe. --- ### Comment by [Sarah M](https://substack.com/profile/118292261-sarah-m?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** Ohh this speaks to me as a toddler mama. I am in the throes of resistance to what is needed of me and full of anger that it’s so hard. Thank you for sharing this. Your hindsight is my inspiration🦋 --- ### Comment by [Mary Quigley](https://substack.com/profile/69807265-mary-quigley?utm_source=substack-feed-item) **May 31** I like to tell my daughters that they “raised a mother” rather than always saying it the other way around. It reframes everything so that I don’t feel all the weight on me and it’s an exercise in gratitude. It’s helped me to let go of the constant feelings of being less than I wish to be for them.