Poetry Unbound

Oh, these lines… “All this time, I felt like I had to describe / the things I did, and what was done to me” - a whole lifetime in there...

For so long, I resisted the changes that becoming a mother wanted – needed - to make in me for me to become the person my children needed. I kicked against all its demands – no time to myself, no time to sleep, no patience, no patience, no patience. The constant draining physicality of caring for babies, of being “touched out” at the end of a day and craving five minutes where nobody would pull on me. But ironically – in the way these things happen - it was my youngest child’s constant kicking against me – and herself, and the world – that finally opened my eyes to what I actually needed to do, which was to stop fighting it all and just be with it. Whenever she had yet another meltdown, I would hold her tightly, as she pushed and pushed against me until suddenly, she would just collapse, like soft butter in my arms. I realised that by holding steady in the face of her resistance instead of feeding it with my own, I gave that resistance nowhere to go and it would just dissolve, both of us finding some blessed peace and release, if only for a while. I have carried this lesson with me in the decades that have followed, learning and re-learning it as life has thrown other change challenges in my path. And I keep a copy of this painting by the English artist Jenny Saville, as a reminder that whatever I feed grows and that “giving in” is not always defeat but may actually be the saving of me... Jenny Saville Painting

Comments

Comment by Anne Pender

May 31
Oh, these lines… “All this time, I felt like I had to describe / the things I did, and what was done to me” - a whole lifetime in there...

Comment by maeve.fior

May 31
Thank you for reminding me of the name of an artist profiled in the New Yorker. I was intrigued then lost her name.

Comment by Alissa Lange

May 31
Thank you for this. I think I needed this exact post right now ❤️

Comment by Deacon Joanne

May 31
This is such a powerful, honest and shared (at least to some extent) of motherhood. My granddaughter is prone to extreme meltdowns and my daughter has learned a pattern similar to what you describe.

Comment by Sarah M

May 31
Ohh this speaks to me as a toddler mama. I am in the throes of resistance to what is needed of me and full of anger that it’s so hard. Thank you for sharing this. Your hindsight is my inspiration🦋

Comment by Mary Quigley

May 31
I like to tell my daughters that they “raised a mother” rather than always saying it the other way around. It reframes everything so that I don’t feel all the weight on me and it’s an exercise in gratitude. It’s helped me to let go of the constant feelings of being less than I wish to be for them.