Old friends and the art of hanging out

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Helping young people own their attention and build the skills and mindsets they need to flourish as humans.

Old friends and the art of hanging out

What I did this weekend (according to my kids, nothing)

Meghan Fitzgerald
May 21, 2026

“Some people go to priests. Others to poetry. I to my friends.” — Virginia Woolf

This past weekend, I got away to visit with friends. Good friends. Old friends. The college, high school and summer camp kind. The ones who carry decades of context. Who can hold the old you as they behold the now you — and who, in doing so, allow you to feel more fully seen and see yourself more fully.

Friends who are giddy just to sit, talk, and laugh over memories and marvel at how, though states apart, your struggles and joys are so very similar. It was just wicked fun (and in Boston).

The years of starting and growing things — careers, families, homes, businesses, new constellations within families — are busy times. For me, they’ve often felt all-consuming. Looking back, it was far too common to forego visits like this one for whatever was right in front of me.

Processing the value

When I got home, my kids asked, “What’d you do this weekend?” My answer: “We sat together, talked and laughed a lot.” Then, they asked, “Yeah, but what’d you DO?”

I gave them my “it wasn’t really about doing, it was more about being — together” speech. I’m not sure they were terribly impressed. But it felt pretty great on my end. And the nourishing togetherness I experienced sitting, visiting and talking with friends is exactly the kind of attending I want my kids to practice and value.

Going to bed that night, I felt like I had put my oxygen mask on and was more ready to tend to the people and things in my life. I also got even more excited and committed to helping my kids — all kids — learn the art of hanging out. I wish for them a life full of time to talk, visit, connect and reconnect. More to come on that soon!

Lowering the bar to create more opportunity

When real life started happening again the next morning, I remembered why it took years to get a roommate reunion weekend off the ground. So much going on. I need smaller ways to keep visiting with friends.

It made me pick back up on a wonderful book by Sheila Liming, Hanging Out: The Radical Power of Killing Time. Among her many nuggets of wisdom, Liming reminds us that improvisation is the engine of connection. Chances to connect with friends don’t necessarily need to be heavily planned or scheduled, nor should they be long and involved. Even a quick coffee or a stop-by-to-say-hi gives you a boost of friend energy and sets the stage for the next time.

I am lucky to live in a place with many people I hold dear and to have access to tools that can keep me connected to treasured family and friends far and wide. For me, and for my kids who are watching, I want to make it a habit to make more time for talk and visits with friends. For now, I’m starting small:

What could you do?

Try to set up some simple new structure that gives you the time, space or reason to visit with a friend.

If there’s a friend you haven’t talked to in a while, let them know you’d love to connect. For inspiration, check out this beautiful post on reaching out from former U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy:

And if the friend you need hasn’t quite materialized yet — maybe there’s someone in your community who has always seemed like someone you’d love to know. Invite them for coffee, tea, or a walk. Chances are they could use a good hang, too.

When a friend calls to me from the road
And slows his horse to a meaning walk,
I don’t stand still and look around
On all the hills I haven’t hoed,
And shout from where I am, What is it?
No, not as there is a time to talk.
I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,
Blade-end up and five feet tall,
And plod: I go up to the stone wall
For a friendly visit.
— Robert Frost, “A Time to Talk”