# a10d Helping young people own their attention and build the skills and mindsets they need to flourish as humans. # Make a fuss. Compassion, connection, and a spring tradition worth keeping ### May baskets and other steps we can take to help kids learn to connect [Meghan Fitzgerald](https://substack.com/@meghannolanfitzgerald) Apr 29, 2026 One week ago, I attended a talk with [Dr. Thupten Jinpa](https://compassioninstitute.com/teachers/dr-thupten-jinpa/), renowned Tibetan scholar, author, and the principal English translator to His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He spoke about why compassion matters, especially in challenging times. I’m pretty sure the packed house at Amherst College left both lighter and more grounded. Jinpa framed this moment in history as a “period of adjustment” — a timely and needed reminder of the temporal nature of all things. He also dove deep into how we humans are social creatures, wired with an impulse for kindness and compassion. The hour was like a gentle but steady rain, and my stressed root system soaked up every drop. “Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.” — Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness ### Compassion in action? Jinpa’s voice was the reason I went, but there were other voices in the room that pierced my heart. Students were openly frightened, asking how to leave the world better than they found it, how to process the losses they feel, and how to be compassionate actors in a world that so often runs on zero-sum cruelty. That same day, I spoke with a dear professor friend — the kind of brilliant person who is able to crack open deep conversation with people of any age. She shared that, in two different classes that day, the discourse with students had naturally steered towards a discussion of a similar, lonely trap: you try to unplug, but it’s hard to connect IRL. It’s unclear where to find people, what to do, how to bring each other together. So, back online you go, figuring connection there beats being completely alone. But, you also find mounting feelings of dissatisfaction and disconnection. I thought of this as I listened to Jinpa and the students. I was reminded of the many lectures I attended in that same room, three decades ago. I recall having my own worries as I prepared to leave that small college. But I know I wasn’t navigating this particular set of woes. Jinpa, a father of two young Gen Z women, addressed students’ questions directly and with great admiration, speaking to how to be compassionate and thrive right now. His main advice? Stay connected IRL. How best to do that? Make a fuss. He urged, “Digital connection comes with a sense of ease, but it’s deceptive. Make the effort to invite friends. Invest time in your relationships. You need to make a fuss.” ### Making a fuss Invest time. Nurture relationships. Yes. As both a human and a mom of three Gen Alphas, I feel inspired to slow down and really sit with that. Without going overboard — life is busy enough — where and how are we, as a family, making time to make a fuss? What does such fussing look like, day to day? How can we model it for our kids, and help them learn both the value and the art of it _for themselves_? For me, fussing looks like checking in with our 93-year-old neighbor and inviting her to our daughter’s choral concert. It’s having friends over for dinner, meeting up for pizza and frisbee, or just for a walk. It’s making time to prioritize family gatherings, or to Face Time with family, even when someone has a test to study for. It’s all the village stuff — trading rides, walking someone’s dog while they’re away, stopping to talk now that the weather is finally lovely. For kids themselves, it feels a bit less obvious. Their lives are so programmed and so many interactions are heavily managed. There are fewer wild spaces and times in which to hone these skills, and these efforts and lessons need to feel like their own. Maybe it can look like a whole lot of small moments and chances to learn? Like, making a weekly phone call to grandparents a kid’s responsibility, then leaving it up to kids to make it happen. Or, maybe we could encourage them to slow down on a friend or sibling’s birthday gift or card so it reflects what they see and love about that person. Or, maybe something a bit scarier for an adolescent: inviting a newer friend to hang out. A friend recently gave each of her kids (ages 10 and 12) a gift card to the local bubble tea place, with one assignment: use it with a friend you want to know better. Things like this are simple, doable invitations that build muscle. ### This Friday is May Day — a perfect time to fuss With all of this swirling in my mind, I nearly let an annual tradition slip by. Thankfully, we remembered: it’s time to make May Day baskets. A perfect way to make a fuss. This Friday, May 1st is May Day — a celebration of spring’s arrival, roughly halfway between the vernal equinox and the summer solstice. For over a decade, our family has woken up early to deliver simple, homemade baskets to neighbors and friends, sneaking up to doors in hopes of leaving both a surprise and a boost of joy. Want to join us? Here’s how: - **Make a list.** Who could you surprise? Think about neighbors, friends, family. Who might live alone or especially need a little joy right now? - **Make some baskets.** A recycled jar or can (sans label) with a few spring flowers and a ribbon (optional). A rolled paper cone with a handle. Or just a simple bouquet tied with string. Seriously — that’s it. - **A small warning:** At some point during your already-busy morning, you will think, This is nuts. Why are we doing this? Push through. - **Deliver.** This is the best part. Walk or drive around to deliver, taking pains to leave each basket without being seen. Then wonder together about what they’ll think and feel when they find it. ### Why this is worth it May Day baskets are a simple, random act of kindness. So much of our attention, especially during adolescence, is naturally focused inward, and many of our efforts aim at some kind of reward. This is the opposite. It’s something done entirely for someone else. All the thinking involved in _Who might need a little joy today?_ or _How do you think they’ll feel when they see…?_ builds [cognitive empathy](https://www.meghannolanfitzgerald.com/blog/empathy?rq=empathy) — our ability to consider another person’s emotional experience. That component to empathy is essential to all relationships. And all of this selflessness isn’t without a real kickback. The positive feeling you get from acting with compassion is powerful. And it’s one I hope my kids get hooked on. Beyond that, there’s also a lingering social benefit: in a small but meaningful way, you feel like your neighborhood or network is just a bit more connected. Totally worth the fuss. ### Let us know Compassion feels needed now more than ever, so let’s crowdsource! Let us know what fuss-making is looking like for you—both in reality and in your hopes and dreams. We’ll keep fussing and sharing, too.