Alvi Syahrin | Substack
Alvi Syahrin
Penulis buku insecurity, loneliness, overthinking, jika kita series. Kamu udah baca?
Launched a year ago
Alvi Syahrin
@alvisyahrin
O Lord, make me the best-selling author in the whole world
Alvi Syahrin
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Why is it every time I try to write article on Substack, it’s always offline? It’s been like that since yesterday, and there’s nothing wrong with my internet connection. Anyone can help?
Your 20s is the age when you start to feel like you’re not the same person anymore.
Your 20s is when you wish you could stop time, because you’re afraid of what else adulthood might do to you.
Your 20s is when you start to miss your younger self. You want to be happy again. You want to laugh again.
"i miss you," i said it to my younger self
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It’s only in solitude that you learn how to be strong without leaning that strength on your favorite human.
It’s only in solitude that you learn how to become your own favorite human.
It’s only in solitude that you slowly start to find your worth.
It’s only in solitude that you can come back to remembering Allah.
'no, you won't marry him,' said the future you
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“So, I don’t end up marrying him?” you ask, holding back the tears already pooling in your eyes.
I shake my head.
“Why?” you demand.
“Well, things happened. Turns out you two weren’t right for each other. Your lives were going in different directions. He chose someone else. He never changed.”
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'no, you won't marry him,' said the future you
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You’re standing in a room that’s pink, top to bottom. About the size of the living room in your house.
Needles pierce the ceiling, blood dripping down from each one. Knives stab through the walls, blood streaming down the surface.
“This, actually, is what’s inside your heart. At 23,” I explain. Because—
The age of 23 is the age of falling i…
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'no, you won't marry him,' said the future you
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The age of 23 is when you feel like you’ve finally found your favorite human, and you’re convinced he’s the one you’ll marry. You held on with everything you had, every part of your heart. You fought for it. You accepted every flaw because whatever the flaw, he was still the right one for you. But every effort, every dream of building a life with him, has now turned to ash.
'no, you won't marry him,' said the future you
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“Best friends”—they’re the ones we trust completely, the ones who know our deepest stories, the ones who should always be there when we need them. That’s how it’s supposed to be.
“Close friends”—the ones we hang out with often, the ones we can joke around with without anyone getting offended, the ones we vent to just a little, yet they do…
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the friendship hierarchy is making us lonely
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We label our friends too much. We define those labels however we want. We build expectations around definitions we invented ourselves.
Best friends are supposed to do this and that. Close friends should be like this and this.
I made that mistake. I stamped everyone, made my own expectations. And that makes me lonely.
Alvi Syahrin the friendship hierarchy is making us lonely